Monday, 20 September 2010


There's something wrong with Ooman.

Every time I knead her lap looking for a comfy spot, she makes a loud oof-y noise. The other day, I thought I'd warm her feet by sleeping on them, but she complained that they'd gone dead. I really think she might be ill. I also think she's passed it on to t'other Ooman, as he also makes an oof-y noise whenever I sit in his lap.

Seeing as Ooman is ill, I've decided not to mention that the cat flap has shrunk. I don't know why it should suddenly shrink, but it's a real struggle to get through it.

Friday, 10 September 2010

The litter box.

The best time to use the litter box is immediately after Ooman has cleaned it. Especially if she's scrubbed it, polished it and mopped the floor underneath it. Don't waste this opportunity. Be sure to steal and eat a slice of bread (instructions below) about 2 hrs before you go.

Thursday, 2 September 2010


From time to time, you may find medication has made its way onto your daily menu. Whether you like the taste of pills or not, there is only one respectable course of action. Spit them out. Ooman's immediate reaction is to find something tasty to wrap it in. If you're lucky, Ooman will try embed said pill in a chunk of tuna. It's relatively easy to swallow the fish and spit out the pill. Ooman will then work systematically through the fridge. If you're really lucky, Ooman will keep using the same pill, despite the coating of spit and food that you've slobbered all over it. Watch as Ooman tries to press a slimey pill into a chunk of hard cheese. Opposable thumbs clearly aren't all they're cracked up to be....

Beware: if you spit the pill out too often, Ooman may resort to enlisting the services of another Ooman, holding your jaw open and firing the pill down your neck. Be careful not to spit the pill out too often. There is little dignity in being fed like a foie gras goose...